Published on Rarely Wears Lipstick in 2012.
When I was monogamous, I rarely thought about rules within relationships. Other than the standard 'no cheating' which is pretty much a given for monogamous relationships - although definitions of cheating may vary - I was happy to go with the flow. Boundaries shifted as each relationship progressed, and much of this was unspoken. However, moving to a non-monogamous set up meant that all this had to change. Everything I'd learnt up to that point about how relationships worked was now pretty much open to discussion. It was like starting again. We had a blank slate with which to build our new idea of what a relationship should be and, along with that, came a set of initial rules.
'Physical intimacy only' is sometimes the first rule when opening up. For example; partners can agree to only play together, avoid penetration, only play with women, or only at parties. Everyone decides what they're comfortable with and that list forms the basis of initial rules. And, yes... one of these rules is often a veto. Having a veto is a way of saying to a someone you love that you are uncomfortable with anything which makes them unhappy, so much so that you would stop what you were doing if they requested it. This is all well and good when everything you are doing outside of your initial relationship is physical, but it takes on a whole new meaning when things get emotional.
Venture into polyamory and rules like this are not always so useful. At the start, it's pretty easy to say what you're OK with, but all bets are off once love enters the picture. Love is a wonderful emotion, but an unpredictable one which really doesn't like to play by the rules. These days, I just can't see a situation where a veto would be used. Just as you cannot tell a dear friend who is madly in love that you think the person they're dating is no good for them, you really can't do that to a partner. You want them to be happy and so, if this other person makes them happy, you end up doing everything else you can think of to avoid using a veto. There is always a way around it, and so the veto ends up simply being a safety net for those who are starting out.
Relationship rules are a bit like the assembly instructions for flat packed furniture. Once you've built the thing and you know it's sturdy, you don't keep those instructions any more, do you? You don't need them, because they were only useful when you were starting from scratch. The thing with default monogamous relationships is that many people assume that they only need these instructions once ever, instead of once at the start of every relationship. Each time you find someone new, you have to build things up to that point where you can throw away the rule book and trust that everything's sturdy. Re-negotiating boundaries as and when needed is far more satisfactory than drawing up a strict set of rules. It just takes a while to get there.
How to Follow Trends and be Ethical
Published on Ms Wanda's Wardrobe in 2012.
At first glance, fast fashion and slow fashion don’t appear to be friends. Fast fashion is about keeping up with the latest trends and ensuring you fit in. Whereas slow fashion seems to be more about standing out.
When it comes to fashion, most people reckon you’re either someone who chooses a look designers, editors and buyers have marked out as ‘bang on trend’, or you’re someone who selects your own style based on cut, appearance or where a garment came from. If you believe this, I have some breaking news for you… it is possible to do both!
Yes, you can follow fashion and be ethical. You can dress to the latest trends while wearing vintage. You can even keep your wardrobe current whilst wearing what flatters your shape. Why? Because, more things are ‘so hot right now’ than you can possibly imagine.
Spots and stripes
Take, for example the vast list of trends for last season. The popular themes that came out of the catwalk shows for AW11 included 1940s and polkadots. Not only do spots and stripes come round again more often than a Disney World roller coaster, but the 1940s trend was also big in the 80s. This means that it was possible to look fashionable, without resorting to a quick trip to Topshop.
Colour
In addition, some trends are workable no matter what your body shape or where you choose to buy your clothing. Clever use of colour is always a good way to update your look without betraying your ethics. Acid brights, colour blocking, or even just the colour purple can be introduced into your wardrobe using your favourite sources.
Fabrics
Trends for specific fabrics or prints are also things which can work on many different garment silhouettes. Don’t assume that you have to interpret a trend exactly the same was as it appeared on the catwalk. After all, if you have a small waist and big hips, a boxy 60s style shift dress is perhaps not the most flattering way to introduce lace into your look.
Trends as inspiration
To make trends work for you, think of them as inspiration. They are merely a starting point to help revitalise your wardrobe, rather than a signpost pointing towards the high street. SS12 brings us candy coloured pastel shades, 1920s, sci-fi metallics and, inspired by the Olympics, a sporty look. Each of these can be adopted and tweaked by a fan of slow fashion. Organic cotton comes in pastel shades, handmade 20s style accessories could be bought from Etsy, ethical brands produce sportswear, and you always knew there was a reason you bought those metallic shoes from that vintage shop!
Even if you only wear clothing which suits you, and never buy anything that doesn’t make you feel really special, you can still be inspired by high fashion. Trends are like a big mood board that chain store buyers work from when selecting items to suit their target market, so there’s nothing to say you can’t do that for yourself. Just because we favour slow fashion, doesn’t mean we can’t update our look every season.
At first glance, fast fashion and slow fashion don’t appear to be friends. Fast fashion is about keeping up with the latest trends and ensuring you fit in. Whereas slow fashion seems to be more about standing out.
When it comes to fashion, most people reckon you’re either someone who chooses a look designers, editors and buyers have marked out as ‘bang on trend’, or you’re someone who selects your own style based on cut, appearance or where a garment came from. If you believe this, I have some breaking news for you… it is possible to do both!
Yes, you can follow fashion and be ethical. You can dress to the latest trends while wearing vintage. You can even keep your wardrobe current whilst wearing what flatters your shape. Why? Because, more things are ‘so hot right now’ than you can possibly imagine.
Spots and stripes
Take, for example the vast list of trends for last season. The popular themes that came out of the catwalk shows for AW11 included 1940s and polkadots. Not only do spots and stripes come round again more often than a Disney World roller coaster, but the 1940s trend was also big in the 80s. This means that it was possible to look fashionable, without resorting to a quick trip to Topshop.
Colour
In addition, some trends are workable no matter what your body shape or where you choose to buy your clothing. Clever use of colour is always a good way to update your look without betraying your ethics. Acid brights, colour blocking, or even just the colour purple can be introduced into your wardrobe using your favourite sources.
Fabrics
Trends for specific fabrics or prints are also things which can work on many different garment silhouettes. Don’t assume that you have to interpret a trend exactly the same was as it appeared on the catwalk. After all, if you have a small waist and big hips, a boxy 60s style shift dress is perhaps not the most flattering way to introduce lace into your look.
Trends as inspiration
To make trends work for you, think of them as inspiration. They are merely a starting point to help revitalise your wardrobe, rather than a signpost pointing towards the high street. SS12 brings us candy coloured pastel shades, 1920s, sci-fi metallics and, inspired by the Olympics, a sporty look. Each of these can be adopted and tweaked by a fan of slow fashion. Organic cotton comes in pastel shades, handmade 20s style accessories could be bought from Etsy, ethical brands produce sportswear, and you always knew there was a reason you bought those metallic shoes from that vintage shop!
Even if you only wear clothing which suits you, and never buy anything that doesn’t make you feel really special, you can still be inspired by high fashion. Trends are like a big mood board that chain store buyers work from when selecting items to suit their target market, so there’s nothing to say you can’t do that for yourself. Just because we favour slow fashion, doesn’t mean we can’t update our look every season.
Labels:
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fashion,
Ms Wandas Wardrobe,
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Lingerie by Lillian Bassman
Review published on For Books' Sake in 2012.
Lingerie is a collection of images by one of the most influential fashion photographers of the 20th century, Lillian Bassman. She began shooting fashion in the 1940s, moving on to her own personal projects in the 1970s when her style went out of fashion. Her work went through a revival in the 1990s, and she continued working until her death on February 13th 2012, aged 94.
This book concentrates on her lingerie images, mostly shot for Harper’s Bazaar between the late 1940s and the mid-60s. The introduction by Eric Himmel – editor-in-chief of Abrams Books and Bassman’s son – gives the modern reader some background on society at the time when these images were being created:
Alongside the background details provided by Himmel, Bassman’s images take on a different meaning. At first glance, they are beautiful soft fashion images that often seem quite timeless. However, once you realise just how different her approach was to other photographers at the time, you realise that you are looking at something very special.
A photograph that looked relaxed, unposed and intimate was quite unusual in the 1950s. Especially if the subject was wearing only lingerie. In fact, lingerie modelling itself was somewhat frowned upon as the 50s began and so models posed to obscure their faces. Bassman once commented on the chemistry between model and photographer:
The images are mostly from the late 40s and early 50s, but the book also features some of Bassman’s lingerie work from the 1960s and even a couple of shots for Gossard Ultrabra taken in 1997. Sometimes it’s tricky to tell when they were taken until you refer to the index.
This is a beautiful collection of photographs, which are certainly worthy of their own book. They show a different side of fashion photography, the work of a woman who changed the way lingerie was photographed and also how it was viewed by magazines and advertisers, making it a must-have book for anyone interested in photography or vintage lingerie.
Published this month by Abrams, Lillian Bassman: Lingerie is available in hardback now for £12.99.
Rating: 4/5
Recommended for: Lingerie lovers, photography fanatics, vintage vixens and those who like a glimpse into the working life of a woman who brought something a little different to fashion magazines in the 50s and 60s.
Other recommended reading: Hidden Underneath: A History of Lingerie by Farid Chenoune would be ideal if you liked the snippets of history in Eric Himmel’s introduction and wanted more. The Photography Book edited by Ian Jeffrey would be perfect for those wanting to expand their photographic knowledge, and The Golden Age of Couture edited by Claire Wilcox will make anyone interested in 1950s fashion simply swoon.
Lingerie is a collection of images by one of the most influential fashion photographers of the 20th century, Lillian Bassman. She began shooting fashion in the 1940s, moving on to her own personal projects in the 1970s when her style went out of fashion. Her work went through a revival in the 1990s, and she continued working until her death on February 13th 2012, aged 94.
This book concentrates on her lingerie images, mostly shot for Harper’s Bazaar between the late 1940s and the mid-60s. The introduction by Eric Himmel – editor-in-chief of Abrams Books and Bassman’s son – gives the modern reader some background on society at the time when these images were being created:
“In 1948 it was no mean feat to photograph a beautiful woman unselfconsciously undressed. Bassman, who has a gift for cultivating female companionship, made tests with models to gain experience and try out new ideas.”She did a test shoot with a model who, loving the soft flowing look of the final images, showed them to her husband. As luck would have it, he was the art director of a big lingerie account which Bassman subsequently landed. Bassman continued to shoot for magazines and companies like Warners – whose Merry Widow corselet is well known to lovers of vintage fashion – where she avoided artificial moods and locations, thus putting her models at ease.
Alongside the background details provided by Himmel, Bassman’s images take on a different meaning. At first glance, they are beautiful soft fashion images that often seem quite timeless. However, once you realise just how different her approach was to other photographers at the time, you realise that you are looking at something very special.
A photograph that looked relaxed, unposed and intimate was quite unusual in the 1950s. Especially if the subject was wearing only lingerie. In fact, lingerie modelling itself was somewhat frowned upon as the 50s began and so models posed to obscure their faces. Bassman once commented on the chemistry between model and photographer:
“The models thought about this a lot. It was a sexually very different thing when they worked with men. They felt a charge. They were posing for men. I caught them when they were relaxed and natural. I spent a lot of time talking to them about their husbands, their lovers, their babies.”This shows in the images throughout this title. The models are comfortable and confident. They are not trying to be sexy, they just are. At the back of the book, there is even a further glimpse into Bassman’s way of working with a handful of shots of her behind the camera and gently directing a model.
The images are mostly from the late 40s and early 50s, but the book also features some of Bassman’s lingerie work from the 1960s and even a couple of shots for Gossard Ultrabra taken in 1997. Sometimes it’s tricky to tell when they were taken until you refer to the index.
This is a beautiful collection of photographs, which are certainly worthy of their own book. They show a different side of fashion photography, the work of a woman who changed the way lingerie was photographed and also how it was viewed by magazines and advertisers, making it a must-have book for anyone interested in photography or vintage lingerie.
Published this month by Abrams, Lillian Bassman: Lingerie is available in hardback now for £12.99.
Rating: 4/5
Recommended for: Lingerie lovers, photography fanatics, vintage vixens and those who like a glimpse into the working life of a woman who brought something a little different to fashion magazines in the 50s and 60s.
Other recommended reading: Hidden Underneath: A History of Lingerie by Farid Chenoune would be ideal if you liked the snippets of history in Eric Himmel’s introduction and wanted more. The Photography Book edited by Ian Jeffrey would be perfect for those wanting to expand their photographic knowledge, and The Golden Age of Couture edited by Claire Wilcox will make anyone interested in 1950s fashion simply swoon.
Labels:
fashion,
For Books Sake,
lingerie,
review
Fashion... With Added Confidence
Published on Rarely Wears Lipstick in 2012.
Many women mistakenly believe that fashion makes you feel bad. They look at how the fashion industry promotes its wares and how society encourages us to conform to a young slender ideal, and they come to the conclusion that fashion is another way of controlling women by making them feel bad about themselves. This isn't true of fashion though, just some of the businesses which bring the clothes to us and the way in which the media chooses to focus on our insecurities. When you concentrate on clothing as an expression of your identity, rather than a set of rigid rules to conform to, fashion is one of the most creative things that many adults indulge in.
Fashion helps us fit in to our tribe, and it also enables us to stand out from the crowd. Well fitting clothes make us feel good, items we love to wear give us a psychological boost, and striking garments can draw smiles and compliments from strangers. The only thing we need to do is choose garments which fit and flatter, before building the confidence needed to brush off surprised comments from loved ones. If someone thoughtlessly asks if you're going out dressed like that, just reply with "yes, I love it and just can't save it for 'best' any more!" Not everyone wears what they'd like to wear, because many people are scared to stand out and so would rather blend in. That doesn't mean you should do the same. If you love it and it makes you feel good, it's worth it. If an outfit makes you smile - smile! If someone else has nothing better to do than make a cruel comment on your appearance, then they are very sad indeed. Day-to-day life can get pretty boring at times, so who are they to say you can't liven it up with a pair of silly shoes?
Many women mistakenly believe that fashion makes you feel bad. They look at how the fashion industry promotes its wares and how society encourages us to conform to a young slender ideal, and they come to the conclusion that fashion is another way of controlling women by making them feel bad about themselves. This isn't true of fashion though, just some of the businesses which bring the clothes to us and the way in which the media chooses to focus on our insecurities. When you concentrate on clothing as an expression of your identity, rather than a set of rigid rules to conform to, fashion is one of the most creative things that many adults indulge in.
Fashion helps us fit in to our tribe, and it also enables us to stand out from the crowd. Well fitting clothes make us feel good, items we love to wear give us a psychological boost, and striking garments can draw smiles and compliments from strangers. The only thing we need to do is choose garments which fit and flatter, before building the confidence needed to brush off surprised comments from loved ones. If someone thoughtlessly asks if you're going out dressed like that, just reply with "yes, I love it and just can't save it for 'best' any more!" Not everyone wears what they'd like to wear, because many people are scared to stand out and so would rather blend in. That doesn't mean you should do the same. If you love it and it makes you feel good, it's worth it. If an outfit makes you smile - smile! If someone else has nothing better to do than make a cruel comment on your appearance, then they are very sad indeed. Day-to-day life can get pretty boring at times, so who are they to say you can't liven it up with a pair of silly shoes?
Fashion Advertising vs The Real World
Published on Rarely Wears Lipstick in 2012.
Models don't have to wear skirts that ride up, sleeves that are too long, or garments that aren't made to measure. Models don't have to worry about clothing being unflattering when they're sat down, or crumpled when they stand up again. But that's because, while they're working, models don't live in the real world. During the shoot they have someone checking that every aspect of looks perfect. Better than perfect, in fact. Away from the fantasy of that fashion shoot, however, both the models and the clothes they display to us are very real indeed.
The world that fashion advertising and magazines show us is a bit like The Matrix. All those glossy images are, to quote Morpheus, "the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth." And the truth? Shit happens - deal with it. Everyday life isn't like a fashion image. Our jobs and social lives involve doing more than posing in a flattering way, bad lighting and adverse weather conditions can't always be avoided, we have to keep our own hair/make-up in check, fabrics go bobbly, seams split and food drips. We can do our best to look like just like the models do those photographs and get paranoid when we can't manage it, or we can simply pick out what matters and focus on that.
I will never be that tall and slender and my hair will never be immaculate all the time, but I really don't care. If the photograph draws me in and makes me want to visit a shop and try something on, then it's doing its job. If the item doesn't fit me, it'll be because it isn't made to measure and/or it's just not my style. If it fits and I love it, then I'll buy it... but I don't have to look like the woman in the photograph. She's not me. And no matter how effortlessly glamorous she looks, I can guarantee you it took way more effort than most of us can be bothered with.
Models don't have to wear skirts that ride up, sleeves that are too long, or garments that aren't made to measure. Models don't have to worry about clothing being unflattering when they're sat down, or crumpled when they stand up again. But that's because, while they're working, models don't live in the real world. During the shoot they have someone checking that every aspect of looks perfect. Better than perfect, in fact. Away from the fantasy of that fashion shoot, however, both the models and the clothes they display to us are very real indeed.
The world that fashion advertising and magazines show us is a bit like The Matrix. All those glossy images are, to quote Morpheus, "the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth." And the truth? Shit happens - deal with it. Everyday life isn't like a fashion image. Our jobs and social lives involve doing more than posing in a flattering way, bad lighting and adverse weather conditions can't always be avoided, we have to keep our own hair/make-up in check, fabrics go bobbly, seams split and food drips. We can do our best to look like just like the models do those photographs and get paranoid when we can't manage it, or we can simply pick out what matters and focus on that.
I will never be that tall and slender and my hair will never be immaculate all the time, but I really don't care. If the photograph draws me in and makes me want to visit a shop and try something on, then it's doing its job. If the item doesn't fit me, it'll be because it isn't made to measure and/or it's just not my style. If it fits and I love it, then I'll buy it... but I don't have to look like the woman in the photograph. She's not me. And no matter how effortlessly glamorous she looks, I can guarantee you it took way more effort than most of us can be bothered with.
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body image,
fashion,
style
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